


She'll Eat the Couch

by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)



Series: Cable Interruptus [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Cable has an Alien Dog, Coitus Interruptus, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in and Air Vent, Sex while on a Mission, With Wade's Gloves On, surprise lube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 12:29:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21302078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/MsCaptainWinchester
Summary: So, maybe returning to the same building Cable walked in on him getting a blowjob from his boyfriend on the roof of wasn't the best way to ensure they don't get interrupted again, but in Peter's defense, he went there on legitimate business. Wade justshowed up. And yes, maybe agreeing to let his boyfriend fuck him in an air duct in the middle of a recon mission wasn't a great idea, either, but Peter was really stressed, okay? He wasoweda quick dicking down every once in a while. It wasn't his fault Cable wanted to throw an alien at them. All he wanted was to save a reporter and sit on his boyfriend's dick. Was that too much to ask?Apparently.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Cable Interruptus [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1476938
Comments: 7
Kudos: 155
Collections: Marvel Bingo 2019





	She'll Eat the Couch

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written to fill the 'Clothed Sex' square on my Marvel Bingo card. It is also the fourth part of a prequel series to my Cable's Super Soaker story. This is super late, but in my defense I had it written when I posted the last installment and just forgot to post it. Sims 4 is a really distracting game, you guys.
> 
> I do not consent to my stories being listed on Goodreads or other book platforms.

“You really got it out for the Maggia’s, huh, babe?”

The voice came out of nowhere and scared Peter so badly he jumped to the ceiling and clung with a loud twang of aluminum. He had been crawling around in the air ducts for an hour looking for a kidnapped reporter he thought was being held in the warehouse, trying to avoid security so he didn’t have to fight twenty guys at once—clue number one that the reporter was being held at that specific warehouse was the fact that there were even twenty guys protecting it. Thankfully, he’d been climbing through an empty room, or all that hard work would have been immediately for nothing. He whipped around on the ceiling to glare at his boyfriend. “What the fuck, Wade? I don’t think they heard you in Dubai. Keep it down!” he snapped in a harsh whisper.

“Are we hiding from someone?” Wade asked, looking around the vent like that was their only concern. His shoulders were wide enough to span the width of the vent, and he had to crawl on his belly to even fit into the section they were currently in.

Peter crawled around to face him, glancing through the slatted grating he’d been using to snoop to check that they were still alone. “I’m supposed to be under the radar. Do you want another fire fight in this place? They have a hostage.”

“They do? That why they’ve got so many assholes skulking around?” Wade crawled closer to peer inside the grate, but when he realized there was nothing to see, he looked back up at Peter. “There’s no one down there.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve got to keep looking. What are you doing here?” He didn’t ask how Wade hadn’t made any noise crawling to him. He had long since learned that you could only hear Wade coming when Wade wanted you to. He might not have agreed with the military industrial complex and the way it prayed on the poor, but there was something to be said for Special Forces training. Aside from how nice Wade’s shoulders were as a result.

“Looking for you, sweetums. You didn’t tell me you were going out on patrol without me. I got lonely.”

Peter wanted to be mad for the very real possibility of getting caught thanks to Wade’s disinterest in keeping his voice down, but the sentiment was so sweet, he couldn’t resist pecking Wade’s lips through their masks. “I got an alert that Maggia’s holding a reporter. Thought I’d try to find her before Maggia decides to get violent with her.”

“And you didn’t text me? You know I love a good hostage rescue.”

Peter looked away, turning back around and starting to crawl away if only to get away from Wade’s reaction. “She’s Carlie’s friend. I promised Carlie I’d help her out.”

“Carlie, huh? The ex who tried to have me arrested for you murder or the one who got infected with Green Goblin formula and tried to kill you? Twice?” Wade didn’t even give him room to respond before he continued. “Oh right, that’s the same person. I thought you weren’t on speaking terms anymore?”

Peter was quiet for the time it took to reach the next room, pausing before crossing over to check that it, too, was empty. He could hear the soft shuffling of Wade behind him, catching up. “She sends me alerts sometimes. Official Spider-Man business only.”

“Uh huh. So an old minion of Norman’s has your personal phone number. Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one, Baby Boy?”

“It’s fine. Carlie doesn’t have the serum in her anymore. She’s gone through therapy and gotten checked out with SHIELD and Stark Labs. I checked her lab work five times myself. She’s fine.”

Wade was closer than Peter expected, no Spidey Sense in sight. The vent had widened out when they transitioned rooms, giving Wade just enough room to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him against Wade’s chest so that Wade could speak in his ear. “How long before Norman makes an appearance and doses her again to get to you?” His voice was a low growl, warning and concern in one. It sent a shiver down Peter’s spine. He should probably bulk at the territorial bent to his tone, but the way Wade got so fiercely protective over him always did more to turn him on than annoy him.

“He’s supposed to be dead, remember?” Peter said, letting Wade pull him closer.

“We both know he’s not, not really. You wouldn’t have an alert on Liz Allen’s security feed if you thought he was really dead.”

“Liz is pretty dangerous all on her own.”

Wade’s grip grew possessive, borderline bruising. “Peter.”

Peter turned his head to meet eye holes with Wade. “I know how to keep myself safe, babe. Trust me. Carlie isn’t a threat. And with all the security here, Maggia’s hiding something. What are the odds it isn’t the missing reporter?”

“I believe you, but I also know you have the self-preservation instincts of a squirrel.”

Peter rolled his eyes, not arguing, but also not agreeing with him. “Carlie’s my friend, and she gives good intel. I’m going to find this reporter, rescue her, and help her prosecute every Maggia member I can. Are you going to help me, or are you going to keep complaining about my exes? Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”

“Everything’s a good look on me,” Wade said, squeezing Peter’s waist and pulling his hips back to brush his ass against Wade’s half-hard bulge. “Speaking of, have I mentioned how much this stealth suit turns me on, hot stuff? All that black lycra, and those claws?”

“We are not having sex in an air vent in the middle of a rescue mission,” Peter insisted, but Wade had already pushed Peter’s mask up and was starting to lay kisses along the back of his neck just under the bunched up fabric.

“You sure, baby?” The hand around Peter’s waist drifted south to the bulge beginning to grow in his suit. Damn inappropriate erections. One day he was going to learn how to combat the heat of Wade’s body pressed against his and the purr of his voice in Peter’s ear. One day.

“We’re supposed to be finding a kidnapping victim?” he tried to protest, but he was already pushing his hips back into Wade’s.

Wade stroked his cock through the cup of his suit, fingers dancing down the front of it to pull it up and to the side, exposing Peter’s balls to touch through the thin material. Peter bit back a moan. “If they were gonna hurt her, they already would have.”

Peter tried to fight the urge to push his ass in the air and present, but fuck, Wade’s mouth should be considered an improvised weapon. He dropped onto his elbows with a soft twang and pushed his ass into Wade’s stomach in invitation. “This better be quick.”

His suit was unzipped and pushed aside in a flash and cold lube was being pressed into his hole with a thick, gloved finger. The ribbed rubber tugging against his rim was enough to have Peter purring like a cat. He had to bite his lip to keep a needy whine from his lips. They were directly over a grate, which meant Peter would be able to keep whatever eye he could manage on the room to make sure they weren’t interrupted, but also meant that sound would carry so much more easily.

One finger was replaced by two, probably too soon, but Peter liked the burn of a too-quick stretch. The fingers were replaced by Wade’s slicked-up dick too fast for Peter to even really get to enjoy it, but the fullness of Wade’s thick cock filling him up more than made up for it. Peter whimpered softly and pushed back against the invasion, sinking Wade deeper into him. Wade pressed a hand to the small of his back to keep him at the right angle and snapped his hips back, hard and fast.

Peter scrambled his hands against the sides of the vent to keep himself upright, vision spotting out as Wade fucked into him relentlessly. He was taking the ‘make it quick’ instruction to heart, taking no prisoners in the quest to make Peter come. He wrapped a gloved hand around Peter’s dock and stroked him in a matching speed to his hip thrusts, driving Peter back on his dick harder with every stroke. Peter thought he was going to black out before he came, just from the jarring insistence of Wade’s fucking. He had to clamp a hand around his own mouth to muffle the cries he wasn’t able to hold back every time Wade’s cock head nailed his prostate.

“You two normally fuck in the middle of a mission, or am I just that unlucky?” a voice called up to them. Peter recognized it immediately and was so surprised by the sound of Cable’s deep growl that he once again jumped to the top of the vent, only this section of vent was nowhere near as stable as the previous room, and with Wade’s added weight on top of him, the vent rattled and came loose of it’s structural casings. The entire vent went hurtling to the floor two stories below, Peter and Wade along with it.

They fell in a heap of limbs and tangled clothing, spilled out of a dented, badly angled vent and a mess of metal cables and smashed boxes. The resounding crash was probably loud enough to alert people several warehouses away, let alone the security team in the same building. Peter cursed under his breath. Fucking need to get off, they were fucked now. They’d landed on top of a pile of crates stacked six feet high, just high enough to be within eye-line of Cable. He stood ten feet away in full gear with his massive gun strapped to his back and a puppy of all things under one arm. The puppy looked like a tiny Pomeranian, desperately trying to reach Cable’s face to lick it. Cable’s unmoving metal arm was the only thing keeping it from wriggling right out of his hold.

“You count this as luck and we both know it,” Wade said around a cough as he struggled to get his pants back up and zipped.

“Didn’t you two already fuck in this warehouse?” Cable asked, watching them with a judgemental eyebrow raised.

“Technically, I sucked Petey off on the roof, so we weren’t inside the warehouse last time. But you knew that, since you watched me do it,” Wade informed him, helping Peter get his suit back on and dusting the two of them off. Peter groaned standing, his knees definitely bruised by their fall. Wade’s arm around his waist bracing him was probably the only reason he hadn’t broken anything. He knew Wade wasn’t so lucky, but he also knew Wade’s bones had already healed.

He took his time sliding down the side of the crates, careful not to bruise himself further. “Can we talk about this later? They definitely heard that. Pretty sure we’re about to get inundated by a bad guy boy band,” he said.

“Took care of them already,” Cable said. Peter looked around for some kind of evidence of this, but the lack of his Spidey Senses going off like a 5-alarm fire was the only indication that anything was different.

Before he could ask, Wade jumped down next to him, unconcerned about the noise he made, focus directly on the dog. “Well, aren’t you the cutest thing in the world?” he cooed, going to Cable to try to pet the puppy. A loud screech of pain followed. When Wade stepped back clutching his wrist, his hand was missing and the puppy was licking his lips of blood.

“Not a dog. Danvers found him sniffing around the alley behind her apartment, asked me to find the owner.”

Wade was backing up from the dog, eyeing it cautiously. His wrist already had a tiny fetus-sized hand growing from the bloody stump. “Didn’t know you were a pet detective. You’re not wearing nearly enough tropical shirts.”

Peter walked over to the nearest doorway and poked his head into the hallway. A guard was collapsed face-down on the floor half-way down the hallway, gun kicked to the far side. Had Cable knocked out the entire warehouse? “Did you find a woman being held hostage?” he asked, turning back into the room, ignoring Wade’s questions about the dog.

“Sent her home in a cab while you two were busy getting your rocks off.” Cable’s tone told Peter exactly what he thought of that. Peter blushed, looking away. He wasn’t wrong. Peter should never have let Wade talk him into sex in the middle of a mission.

“Was she okay? Did they hurt her?” he asked. “Did you call the authorities? Maggia needs to be held responsible for kidnapping her.”

“She said she was going to write an expose, but didn’t sound interested in calling the cops.”

Peter took a deep breath through his nose, tamping down his frustration. Of course one of Carlie’s friends would want to write an article instead of going to the cops and getting anyone arrested. The publicity would do more to downgrade the Maggia reputation than a few low-level arrests would. Peter had spent enough time around reporters to understand the instinct. He didn’t have to like it, though. “What are you doing here, anyway? We don’t own whatever that thing is,” he said instead, unable to suppress the annoyance in his voice. Not only had they been interrupted before Peter got to come—AGAIN—but they didn’t even get to arrest anyone.

“I don’t have time to find this little shit’s home. Carol told me she’d rip my dick off if I did, otherwise I would have shot the thing in the head and been done with it.” He thrust the puppy at Wade as if that made sense.

“It already bit Wade’s hand off. We’re not taking it. What would we even do with it? It’ll eat our couch,” Peter protested. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Wade trying to approach the puppy again with the stump of his lost hand, tiny fetus fingers wiggling towards the fur again, because Wade never fucking learned. Peter shot a web at his hand and tugged him in Peter’s direction just before he reached biting range again.

“She just needs a little finessing, Petey. I can tame her,” Wade insisted.

“We aren’t adopting a carnivorous alien puppy. It’ll eat the neighbors.”

“Ooo, you think if we play it right, we could get her to eat Mr. Filmenge?”

“No.”

“Come on, Webs, you hate that guy as much as I do. He knocks on our door every time we play Master and Commander.”

“We aren’t getting an alien dog. This isn’t a discussion. We aren’t taking the dog,” Peter insisted, giving Cable a hard look.

An hour later, they walked into the apartment with an alien Pomeranian in a little frilly dress and matching leash. Wade named her Bitey Arthur.

She ate their couch. She did _not _eat Mr. Filmenge. But there was a close call in the lobby three days later.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want writing updates from me, you can follow me on Twitter [@RonsPigwidgeon](https://twitter.com/RonsPigwidgeon), [Tumblr](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/), [NewTumbl](https://mscaptainwinchester.newtumbl.com/), or [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/MsCaptainWinchester).
> 
> And if you'd like to come yell about Spideypool with me, join the 18+ Discord server I co-mod, [Isn't It Bromantic](https://discord.gg/w6UyAn7)!


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